mynintendobroke

I’m a big Bill Simmons fan (despite the fact he roots for Boston sports teams, which I despise). So in honor of him, my first real blog post will be a running diary on tonight’s Celtics-Lakers game.

8:43 - I’ve been wondering this for virtually the entire NBA playoffs: what’s with the absurdly late starts for every game? A 9pm start for these games, coupled with the ridiculously long TV timeouts and what seems like a 45 minute halftime show leaves these games always ending after midnight on the East Coast. Luckily I won’t fall asleep during the game. Only during Ocean’s Thirteen on DVR. God, was that bad. As if the public reaction following Twelve wasn’t enough of a reason to stop.

You would think with this many stars, the movie would be at least halfway decent. Glad I missed it the first time around.

8:49 - As my cousin Bert astutely pointed out during Game 5: Pau Gasol always looks like he’s on the verge of busting out in tears. Doesn’t matter if he’s just posted up somebody for a bucket, blocked a shot, or screwed up royally and is awaiting another tongue-lashing from “Mr. Perfect” Kobe. Pau forever has that pained look on his face like he’s 6 years old and his mom just sent him to his room. The layup lines during warmups haven’t changed that either.

8:56 - Another thing I haven’t understood this entire series: the enormous NBA championship trophy replicas on the floor during introductions of the starting lineups. It just seems so tacky and overdone. Yes, we the fans realize it’s the Finals. I’ve got no problems with the laser light shows, but save the extravagant props for All-Star Weekend.

9:01 - Bert on the intros: “Well, at least the Lakers didn’t come out to ‘Teenage Wasteland ‘ tonight.” Nothing more need be said about this.

9:07 - Fifteen seconds in and we have our first foul on the Celtics. How badly does the NBA want a Game 7? I’d say somewhere in between simply crossing their fingers and making it so overly obvious the conspiracy theorists have no choice but to use the ammo the officials have continuously provided them this postseason. It will be interesting to see if the Lakers can get some calls on the road.

9:10 - Our HD signal just went out. I’ve only been a Comcast subscriber for less than a week, and I’m already incredibly annoyed with their “service.” First Tiger’s birdie putt on 18th yesterday during the US Open playoff gets blacked out by our friends at Comcast. Now this. I have a feeling this is only the beginning.

9:13 - Kobe’s got two 3’s already, and is a quick 3-3 from the field. He got off to a similar fast start on Sunday, only to be relatively shut down for the final three quarters. LA will need a more sustained effort from him tonight to force a Game 7.

9:16 - Comcast continues to screw with us, briefly putting up a test signal screen with the words “ABC NY HD” for a split second before returning to the game. YES YOU BASTARDS, WE KNOW THIS ISN’T IN HD. STOP MOCKING US.

9:21 - ABC continues to hype these game shows (I Survived a Japanese Game Show, Wipeout) like they are trailblazers who have discovered a new genre that will take over TV. My take: if you are familiar with the channel “G4 ,” you are not impressed at all. Not even a little bit. For those of you who are, you know what I’m talking about.

9:28 - KG pours in back to back buckets, including a sweet post move and fadeaway jumper along the baseline, forcing the Lakers to call timeout to stop the momentum using the 4-5 minute break the NBA has allotted for timeouts during this year’s playoffs. The “ABC NY HD” test signal screen comes up again, only this time for a good 10 seconds. Funny stuff. Luckily I am not drunk enough to start throwing solid objects at a TV I don’t own.

9:34 - After Kobe’s quick start, you can definitely see that the momentum has swung in favor of the Celtics. The tempo has slowed down much more to their liking; a halfcourt game where their defense is unquestionably superior to that of the Lakers. Kobe is really going to have to put forth a superhuman effort to get his team over the hump tonight, especially if Lamar Odom and Gasol are going to disappear again.

9:39 - Boston leads by 4 after one quarter. That’s one less than the number of times the “ABC NY HD” sign has appeared on the TV. And as I say that, the screen goes dark for roughly 5 seconds. I hope I get to watch the end of this game.

9:41 - Bert wonders out loud, “I wonder why we haven’t seen more of Ronny Turiaf.” Really? You mean the Lakers should actually consider putting in a guy who a) has experience in drawing charges, b) playing tough post-defense, and c) has no qualms with putting a dribble penetrator on his back? Phil prefers the statue otherwise known as Vlad Radmanovic. He also has nine rings. That Zen s–t must really work.

9:44 - Doc draws a T, as he has been riding the stripes since tip-off and was bound to step over the line at some point. I’d like to know if this NBA postseason has had the highest number of technicals assessed to coaches in league history. It’s gotta be close. Remember how the league was supposed to adopt a zero-tolerance policy this year for players who whined about calls? Well, that sure went out the window pretty quick (see: Sasha Vujacic). As for the coaches? Their leash has been a little short, in my opinion.

9:57 - The Celtics have really upped the defensive intensity, and now lead by 9 midway through the 2nd quarter. What’s impressive is that they’ve done this all without Ray Allen, who left earlier in the game after being poked in the eye and hasn’t returned yet. Kobe has 0 FGs in the last 11 minutes, much of it due to the excellent defensive scheme that the Celtics staff has employed the last few games. The Celtics have certainly bought into the concept that the entire team has to play a role in helping to contain Kobe, and it has paid huge dividends especially since no one else on the Lakers has decided to step up on the offensive end to this point.

10:01 - Ray Allen returns to the bench after being in the locker room for an extended period of time getting his poked eye checked out. Being a Georgetown fan, I despise Allen, but the stuff that’s gone down recently with his son and what potentially could have been (but thankfully wasn’t) a serious eye injury, I’ve felt a little sorry for him and was happy to see him come out of the tunnel. But only just a little.

10:03 - Posey knocks down a big three and the Celtics now have their biggest lead of the game at 14 points. The Lakers are in severe danger of being blown out here, especially if they can’t find someone who’s willing to shoulder some of the offensive load to take some pressure and defensive attention off of Kobe.

10:10 - Paul Pierce isn’t having such a great day thus far, shooting 2 for 9 for 6 points (although he does have 7 dimes already). But, if the Celtics win, in my opinion his performance in this year’s postseason has to cement his status as a Hall of Famer. The numbers? 23.1 pts, 6.4 rebs, 3.9 asts, 1.6 stls per game for his career, while being the unquestionable leader and go-to-guy on a championship team that has another HOF’er (KG) and a near HOF’er (Allen). The 38-8-6 he dropped in Game 5 was the stuff of legends (too bad Boston lost, otherwise that would have ranked near the top of the list for performances in a title-clinching win). Outdueling Lebron in Game 7 was sick too. And anyone who can survive 11 stab wounds and still not miss a beat on the basketball court… um yeah, that’s a Hall of Famer in my book.

10:17 - Just a nasty run of buckets by KG, capped by a sick and-1 off the glass to push the lead to 20. Looks like Bill Russell won’t have to give Garnett one of his rings after all.

10:19 - 26-6 to run by Boston to close to half leaves the Celtics up 58-35 at half. A brutal ass-kicking by normal standards, but pretty much what we’ve been accustomed to in this series in terms of lopsided halftime scores. I’m not making any bold prediction with this statement, but the Lakers have zero shot of coming back in this game. To come back from a deficit like this, you need to get stops. Lots of them. And the Lakers don’t seem to have any intention of fighting to get them tonight.

10:26 - The “ABC NY HD” sign has been mysteriously absent for the past half hour or so (knock on wood). I briefly entertain the idea of throwing a DVR’ed episode of Unbeatable Banzuke on during the 45 minute halftime show, but am too lazy to reach for the remote.

10:30 - ABC just replayed Doc Rivers’ pregame speech to his team. To paraphrase: “There isn’t one guy on this team that wants to win more than the other guy. Everyone wants to win just as much as everyone else on this team.” I have my sincere doubts Brian Scalabrine and Tony Allen wants to win just as much as Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce. Just saying.

10:44 - The onslaught continues in the 2nd half, as Allen’s eye seems to be perfectly fine as he strokes another three ball to push the lead up to 27. This game is close to becoming unwatchable. I wish I could turn the channel, but the NBA fan in me can’t change the channel.

10:48 - Jeff Van Gundy continues to chastise the Laker defensive effort, as he should. As a guy who had a hand in constructing the vaunted Knicks defense that relied on physical play and intimidation in the 90’s, he must be absolutely appalled at LA’s effort tonight, which has been the complete opposite.

10:57 - 30 point game now. Another one of those lame “NBA Cares” ads appears. Look, I’m happy that a good number of NBA players take some time to give back to their communities. But do we have to be force fed the details of every good deed they do? It really almost cheapens their efforts. The most selfless acts are usually the ones we never hear about. Too bad the NBA (i.e. David Stern) doesn’t allow for that.

I just liked this picture because it looks like Doc and Danny have been tapping the bong.

11:00 - Bert has decided to leave to go play the new Metal Gear Solid game with our friend Joe, who lives 6 floors above us in our apartment complex. Since this blog post isn’t a running diary of 3/4th of Game 6th of the NBA Finals, I’ll pass… for now.

11:15 - 38 point lead now. The Celtics are making a run for posting the worst beatdown in Finals history (MJ’s Bulls handed out a 42 point whupping against the Jazz). Things can’t get any worse, can they?

10:17am - I shouldn’t have asked (entirely my fault). Comcast decided screwing with our TV signal wasn’t enough, and killed our internet as well for the night. Thankfully it’s back. Highlights since last I posted: KG is straight thug: have you seen another professional athlete (and maybe not even Mike Tyson or Ozzie Guillen) be so profane during an interview on national television? Michelle Tafoya had this “God, what am I doing talking to this guy right now?” look on her face. Poignant moment: KG hugging Russell on the floor and repeatedly saying, “I got my own. I got my own.” Embarrassing moment: the Celtics principle managing partner/owner/whatever showing that he was a complete moron when he thanked Doc, Paul, KG, and Tony(!) during the trophy ceremony. You would think that even the casual NBA fan, much less an NBA owner, would know the difference between Ray Allen and Tony Allen. To summarize my feelings: I’m happy for Pierce (who I had actually been quite ambivalent about up until this year’s postseason) and KG, but seeing a Boston sports team win makes my skin crawl.

TOP OF THE WORLD!!! TOP OF THE WORLD, MUTHAF—A!!!

Nevertheless, I’ll be reading that Simmons article this morning. Out of respect for inspiring this first blog post.

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